“I’m struggling with… my relationship with food.”

Food is a source of anxiety and shame for so many, and yet a relationship to food cannot ever be avoided. For different reasons, we may have learned to monitor and even police the way that we and others interact with food. It is not possible to fully disconnect the way we feel about food from the way we feel about our bodies. Minute daily choices can seem to have dire consequences for our long-term lives. With all of these complications in mind, here are some suggestions for improving your relationship with the food you eat.

No such thing as a bad food.

Food is inherently value-neutral. It acquires goodness and badness because of the judgments we place on it. You may have health-related, ethical, or religious reasons for avoiding specific foods, but the food itself remains neutral. This means that, no matter how you interact with food, you are not bad.

Enjoyment is a requirement.

As human beings, nourishment is an emotional process. Many of us would wish to eliminate the emotional, and treat food purely as fuel. However, none of us can tolerate behaving as machines for very long. Whatever your preferences, it is necessary that you find enjoyment in your food if you want it to fully sustain you. 

Sustainability is more important than any short-term outcome.

Diet culture is notorious for selling short-term “solutions” for a very long-term challenge - the challenge of living well in your only body. Quick weight-loss or muscle-gain is seductive, but always requires making intense changes to one’s diet that just can’t be maintained over a long period of time. And once your patience with the diet is exhausted and you resume eating the way that mostly makes sense to you, your body will change. If you are trying to change the way that you eat, keep sustainability in center-focus.

Consider the value of making meals for yourself.

Because having a relationship to food is so complicated, it is tempting to let intermediaries come between us and our meals. Maybe we order out too often, neglect to plan meals and eat impulsively, or forget to eat altogether. This kind of avoidance invites chaos that can leak into all parts of our lives, making us feel generally neglected. Instead, let meal-planning and creation be an act of self-love, rather than a chore or a talent that is beyond you.

Feed the child inside.

By this, I don’t mean indulge your every craving or whim. I mean that feeding yourself can be an opportunity to nourish, nurture, and love yourself. It can be a demonstration of responsibility and caring. Feed yourself the way you would feed a beloved child in your care.

Therapy can be an invaluable support in helping you explore what it really means to feed yourself well. If you are ready to embark on this complex but rewarding journey, don’t go it alone!