“I’m struggling with… my gender expression.”

This post is about and for any person with any gender. Here’s why:

Gender Dysphoria, for anyone who isn’t aware, is a DSM-5 diagnostic category which attempts to encapsulate the experience of being dissatisfied and dysregulated by the way one’s body is and/or is perceived by others related to gender. Right now, this diagnostic label is one key to a complicated set of locks on the gate standing in front of gender-affirming medical care.

The criteria of this disorder inadvertently distort a reality which I think is crucial to actually understanding how experienced gender and gender expression actually impacts the way a person moves through the world. The reality is this: that anyone who has a gender experiences gender dysphoria, and anyone who has a gender seeks gender euphoria. 

There is such a thing as cisgender dysphoria, and cis people frequently pursue and obtain, with relatively little gatekeeping, gender-affirming care. Cis women and cis men will jump through a lot of medical and cosmetic hoops to maintain the balance of hormones, body proportions, and overall physiology that affirms their gender. The services provided to cis people are not different from trans healthcare, and yet cis people are not required to get a mental health diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria in order to access them. 

I hope that one day soon gender affirming care is as readily available to trans people as it is to cis people. I believe that normalizing the concepts of gender dysphoria and gender euphoria as basic human experiences not exclusive to trans people is a step in that direction.

With that made clear: anyone reading this post owes it to themself to think about how they express gender, and whether or not that expression truly meets their needs. And, beyond meeting your needs, does your gender expression bring you joy?

Here are just a few ways to better understand and grow within your unique gender expression:

Cultivate curiosity about yourself. 

It can take a whole lifetime to really get to know yourself, so don’t assume you have it all figured out now. The more you allow yourself to try new things, the more you’ll find out about yourself. Take this opportunity to question your assumptions about your gender, and explore what those assumptions were based on in the first place.

Manage transphobia and anti-trans bias.

Transphobia and anti-trans bias is the broth we’ve all been stewing in, and it is urgent that you find ways to manage it. With the support of a therapist, you can address internalized, even unconscious beliefs that there is a correct way for you and others to express gender. Once you’ve put these beliefs in their place, you can make room in your life for experimentation and authenticity. 

Own your gender.

Humans are alone amongst animals in having the ability to express gender. It is a human quality because it is a by-product of consciousness and society, our awareness that we exist in relation to others. Therefore, gender is a common (not universal) human experience but also a deeply personal experience. Let go of the idea that anyone else can categorize, summarize, or otherwise bestow your gender upon you. The majority of other people may not ever grasp the complexity of how your gender feels to you, what it does for you, and what it means to you. That’s okay. Your gender belongs to you alone.

Cultivate a sense of play and fun. 

Because your gender belongs to you alone, it’s a good idea to divert focus away from what you’re signaling to others through your gender expression in favor of what feels good to you. Be an explorer, be an astronaut. Recognize that an expression of gender can be tried on like a stylish jacket. Get acquainted with what is left behind when you take the jacket off. Above all, enjoy yourself!

Reach out to explore your unique gender identity and expression with the compassionate support of a skilled therapist!