“I’m struggling with… loneliness.”

“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”

 - Kurt Vonnegut

Some of what makes us lonely is out of our immediate, individual control. Loneliness can stem from systemic, public health issues, related to social stigma and to lack of access to social support. Loneliness is not just a personal problem.

However, there are some factors you can attend to in order to find relief from the pain of loneliness and open yourself up to connection.

How can you enjoy your alone time?

Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely. When your relationship to yourself is thriving and healthy, you are empowered to spend time alone in ways that make you feel good about yourself. Your activities are designed to fulfill your needs. If you are struggling to enjoy the time you spend alone, ask yourself about unfulfilled needs and see how you can adjust your routine activities to meet them.

How can you invest in your existing relationships?

At times loneliness comes as a function of unfulfilled interpersonal needs. Explore whether your relationships are in need of repair. Explore whether you are making unfounded assumptions about how the people currently in your life feel about you. Perhaps the loneliness you feel is an invitation to water the garden you have already planted.

How can you make yourself available to new connections?

Often feelings of loneliness coincide with social anxiety which can prevent you from putting yourself out there to make new relationships. Assess the areas of your life where you have room for new connections, and explore how you might be holding yourself back. 

Work with a therapist to identify life adjustments which could decrease loneliness and increase connection!