How can I help someone who is depressed?

Familiarize yourself with signs and symptoms of depression.

As discussed in a previous post, people without personal experience with clinical depression tend to think of it as feeling sad or blue. Depending on your own history and circumstances, it may be difficult to recognize some of the most obvious signs that a loved one is depressed. 

Outward signs of depression could include: increased fatigue, lack of interest in their normal activities, lack of adherence to their normal routines, withdrawal from friends and loved ones, lack of focus, anger or irritability.

If there is anyone in your life whom you have thought of as “lazy,” it is worth considering that they might be depressed.

Reflect on and regulate your emotional response

It’s only human–lots of us feel frustration or anger in response to a lot of those outward signs of depression. When a loved one isolates themself or becomes less active and reliable, it is natural to feel distressed. The thing is, if you want to be supportive of your loved one, it is important to manage your emotional response to their changes in mood and behavior. Before jumping in to help out, sit with your feelings and try to process them with someone who supports you.

Reframe criticism as concern.

It is unfortunately easy to slip into a critical or judgmental state when someone you care about is depressed. If you are someone who typically enjoys emotional stability and unimpaired functioning, it might be difficult to truly empathize with what a depressed person is feeling. And if you are used to seeing this loved one at their emotional baseline, it might seem obvious to you how changing their behaviors can help them “get back to normal.”

Constructive criticism is not likely to help your loved one right now. Instead of taking on the responsibility of instructing them on how to manage depression, you can support them by reminding them that they are loved and cared for. Try to reframe any critical thoughts as expressions of love and concern. 

Encourage minor adjustments and affirm incremental progress.

While your loved one is trying to cope with depression, you may see them giving themselves a hard time about getting better. Depression is exhausting, and while in the thick of it, it’s hard to patiently wait to feel like your normal self again. However, most treatment plans for depression involve incremental change and progress.

You can support your loved one by 1) reminding them to set realistic expectations for themself, 2) acknowledging minor adjustments and baby steps they have taken, and 3) praising small bits of progress. 

Encourage seeking mental health support.

Anyone who is struggling with depression deserves support from a trusted and competent source. Support could come from a therapist, psychiatrist, spiritual counselor, or a mental health support group, to name just a few. As you are encouraging your loved one to seek support, try to emphasize that they are in the driver's seat when it comes to their mental health.