Demystifying Attachment

The term "attachment style" refers to the set behaviors and strategies, both conscious and unconscious, that we employ when establishing relationships with others. These behaviors develop when we are very young in the context of our relationships to our early caregivers. As we grow and develop, we can develop additional attachment strategies to hopefully help us thrive in different social relationships–such as with new caregivers and with peers.

A “disordered attachment style” is a set of attachment strategies that have developed to be maladaptive, potentially leading to unhealthy relationships or disrupting otherwise healthy ones. Disordered attachment often develops in response to traumas and challenges in early relationships, like separation or loss of a caregiver, experiences of harm or lack of protection, or persistent, unhealthy dynamics such as emotional instability, excessive intrusion, or emotional distance from caregivers.

If you are noticing that problems with attachment are impacting your ability to form or maintain healthy relationships:

There is hope!

One can actively work towards improving a disordered attachment style. Embracing healthier behaviors and breaking free from old, unproductive patterns is undoubtedly challenging but entirely possible. It demands courage and a substantial support system.

While you might have encountered various articles, quizzes, or social media posts attempting to categorize your attachment style, the most effective way to understand your patterns is through consultation with a mental health professional. Their expertise allows for a nuanced exploration of both positive and negative elements within your relationship history, so that you can begin to heal, unlearn, and grow.

If you are ready to gain insight and make changes to your attachment patterns, consider doing this work with a therapist by your side!